Televisionista: Previously on: "Dirty Sexy Money" #1.03 "The Italian Banker"

Nick and Rebecca Colfax, Darling family publicist, try to prevent a sex tape scandal; Juliet and her arch nemesis (and Jeremy's sex kitten) Natalie bitchslap their way down the red carpet with Bvlgari product placement in the background; and Mei Ling Hwa Darling learns Brian Jr. can speak English following a Sponge Bob inquiry.

The first time I watched this episode (yes, I am addicted to the show and I watch each episode at least twice) I didn't think it was as good as the first two installments written by series creator Craig Wright.

However, following the second viewing I realized "The Italian Banker" (written by Josh Reims and Tad Quill) was actually a very light and funny episode. Go figure.

The principal storyline revolves around a sex tape featuring one of the Darlings that a supposedly Aussie blackmailer (I couldn't tell by the accent alone) threatens would hit the web unless he was paid one million dollars.

Nick tries to figure out which one of the Darlings could be on the tape, but apart from the shocking revelation that Juliet is still a virgin, the interviews lead nowhere. As Rebecca points out, they lie. By the way, what a shame we won't be seeing Kristin Bauer who plays Rebecca in the next 3 episodes. She is hilarious! That intro line of hers never gets old.

Once the tape arrives, Nick realizes Karen had lied to him - she is the Darling caught in the act with her fiance Freddy's caddy in a sexual position named "The Italian Banker."

Those of you who did your Google homework may have realizes the writers made up the position which may have been inspired by "The Italian Chandelier." In the fantasy world of "Dirty Sexy Money" we learn the position was named after Darling family banker Paulo Vova's grandfather.

We also learn the family owns vaults like the one Mr. Vova is in charge all over New York City. One certainly needs state-of-the-art facilities to keep those 320 million Benjamins safe.

Nick meets up with the blackmailer's girlfriend who tells him someone else had bought the tape. Although it seems nothing can prevent the leak at this point, as the episode closes, Nick is given the scandalous tape by an employee of billionaire Simon Elder who bought it for 3 million dollars (as yet unseen Blair Underwood).

Following Nick's unsuccessful attempts to have the police dig up some dirt on Elder who may be responsible for his father's death, the man informs Nick Mr. Elder is not the man he thinks he is, and neither is his boss Tripp.

I hear some of the fans don't really care about the mystery as much as they are amused the by the Darlings' shenanigans.

As "Desperate Housewives" have shown, only the mysteries that implicate the principal characters seem to work. I'm not sure where they are going with the storyline, but I certainly hope they will keep the suspicions withing the Darling clan.

Elsewhere, I thought Juliet and Natalie's red carpet catfight was a little over the top. The intimate rooftop scene between Jeremy and Juliet was on the other hand quite tender and genuine. Unfortunately for Jeremy, mama Darling reveals to Juliet someone has ordered hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of jewelry from Bvlgari.

Poor Brian Jr. still has to suffer while pretending to be Gustav, the Swedish orphan. After the truth about his native fluency in English comes out, Father McNasty Brian continues the charade. Although I am thoroughly entertained by Glen Fitzgerald's performance, I can't wait for his wife Mei Ling to learn the whole truth.

Finally, despite his father's wishes for him to end his relationship with this "person," Patrick decides to get back together with Carmelita.

We have yet to learn more about Ellen Darling, Patrick's wife, but from the couple of short scenes we have seen thus far - I gather she is a fake woman standing by her husband (perhaps she even knows about his infidelity) simply because she wants to picture herself as the wife of a Senator or the First Lady.

Or are the writers going to develop her as a gullible and loving wife who is unaware of, and may genuinely be hurt by, her husband's passion for Carmelita?

My favorite lines:

REBECCA: Rebbeca Colfax, family publicist.
NICK: I'm charmed all over again.

REBECCA: Rebecca Colfax, family publicist.
NICK: Do you ever get tired of that?

REBECCA: Rebecca Colfax, family publicist.
NICK: We know!

NATALIE: They were putting in way too much banana.
JEREMY: You don't seem to mind when I put in too much banana.

JULIET: Kathryn, can I please be done unpacking? Thank you.

REBECCA: Let me let you in on a little secret about the Darlings, Nick. They lie.

NICK: You have a Buddy Ebsen sex tape?
JEREMY: Had.

BRIAN: How do you live with yourself?

REBECCA: Patrick's going to be the next lying President of the United States of lying America.

BLACKMAILER'S GIRLFRIEND: Well, I hope this doesn't affect any future business that we might do, Mr. George?

JULIET: Bonsoir, ha-ha-ha...

BRIAN: This really cheeses me off!

JULIET: I don't need twin-tuition to see you're googling her ass!
JEREMY: Don't you mean 'ogling'?