MTV Movie Awards Get Dirrrty

Oh, boy. These ain't no Oscars. When MTV puts together an awards show, you know it's going to get dirty. Comedian Sarah Silverman hosted the glitzy cable extravaganza "MTV Movie Awards" in Hollywood tonight cracking ruthless jokes about celebrities. Foul language after the jump.

Silverman began saying it has been a great year for giant movies such as "300" which apparently got its name when measuring how gay it was on the scale of 1 to 10.

She then called "Spiderman 3" racist because the superhero turned bad once he got black. The producer then cut to Samuel L. Jackson who didn't seem too amused by the joke, which Silverman immediately acknowledged.

She then seemed mesmerized by the present star power, including Jack Nicholson who she said actually was in every one of her favorite actresses.

After she got little laughter for her joke about lengthy trilogies she wasn't going to see because she didn't like any movies longer than Cisco Adler's balls she told the crowd: "Google it! It's a great later-laugh."

Silverman also said it was a huge year for the paparazzi which made many famous vaginas even "famouser," in fact she could see 3 in the audience right there. Wait! There's Tobey Maguire. Make that 4.

Of course, Silverman took a jab at Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton (and Alec Baldwin in the process.)

"Whatever happened to that poor sweet freckled-faced little girl who only went through rehab once? She needs structure, she needs a father figure. She needs someone who will take time and tell her that she is a rude little pig."

"In a couple of days Paris Hilton is going to jail," at this point the crowd cheered. Unlike Lohan, Hilton WAS in the audience and the camera panned to her face as she tried to smile and come across composed.

"The judge says there won't be any special treatment, but I hear - to make her feel more comfortable and pretty - the guards are going to paint the bars to look like penises. I just worry that she's going to break her teeth on those things."

Paris was no longer laughing, but she did raise her head in a "hit me all you want" kind of manner. I actually felt sorry for her at this point.

Finally she closed singing a song for the button censors: "Fuck and shit and ass and balls and a huge dirty piece of watery shit on a sandwich made of lumpy hairy flabbity floppity mother fucking tits..."

Wow. I get that MTV wants to be irreverent and controversial, but when did the opening monologue stop having to be funny? You can use the expletives all you want MTV, but please make it more funny next time.

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